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it's dangerous to go alone! take this.
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| friend tool = broken |
[27 Oct 2009|11:42am] |
livejournal's friend list tool is totally broken and has somehow deleted nearly all of my friends list.
setting about re-adding everyone.
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| nhac 1, world 0 |
[18 Oct 2009|02:24am] |
i've done a lot of things over a lot of years but none of them have had as much preparation as this. three years of writing and recording.
last night was the best thing that's happened to me in longer than i can remember. i have not felt more like myself, nor as alive, or connected, since some time in mid 2007, as i did last night at the first nhac show.
11 songs, over the space of 50 odd minutes, and the most incredible performance of my life. the best i have ever been, at anything.
i am alive.
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| less |
[15 Oct 2009|10:00am] |
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i find that as time goes by, i find im liking how coffee makes me feel less and less.
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[06 Oct 2009|08:56am] |
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"Live with no regrets and you'll never look backwards again."
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| destruction |
[03 Sep 2009|12:31am] |
as i sit down to end what's essentially been five days away from home i have to take a moment to reflect on the last two years. it's september 2nd. in a shade over a week it'll be two years since sophie and i broke up, marking the start of a complete life overhaul. in this time i've:
lost:
- damon
- run amok
- my entire circle of friends
- my shared house
- my job (DES)
- the punk alliance
found and lost:
- demand
- emma
- copeland
found:
- new friends
- nhac
- million
- riding
- PIPE
- nejii
- fitness
it's remarkable how much a person and a person's life can change in what's apparently such a short period of time. when i think back to 2007 and then 2005 i don't see anywhere near the same rate of change. same again 2003 to 2005. not only is life changing, but the rate at which life is changing is changing. i'd prefer to not quantify it and perform life calculous, but the overall conclusion that you have to draw from all this is that i seem to be getting better at life, faster. things that are right are going places faster, things that are wrong are getting left behind faster. and the overall theme is that i seem to be getting stronger. over the last two years, some pretty terrible stuff has happened. epic, life-changing stuff. and i won't lie - some of it has nailed me, hard. but not all of it, and while the worst of it at the focal points has set me on fire, most of it really hasn't. i've seen more trouble in the last two years than i have in the five years preceding it, easily, and if it hadn't been for the escalating nature of it all, i don't know how i would've gotten through it.
there are a lot of things i would've done differently had i known what the future held, but compared to the number of things i wouldn't change, there's really not that many. i'm pleased with where i've ended up. the idea of changing anything that could cause me to not be where i am and who i am is really just not something i could do. when curtis talks about regrets, i can't say i share the same feelings. i find it impossible to regret anything when i'm happy with the outcome.
so that's really it. the past two years have been so amazing, so terrible, so revolutionary, so destructive, and most importantly, so reconstructive, i can't even really figure out what the point of this post is supposed to be. i guess it's a story of hope, in a way. no matter how bad your life has become, how stagnant you've let yourself be, how wrong the path you've started down is, one little fork in the road can take it all away and replace it with something new. because this is the kicker. are you ready? here it comes.
in the last two years, my life has been purged of absolutely everything that was wrong with it.
heavy. everything that was broken, everything that needed fixing, every potential problem, everything that wasn't working the way it should have been, has ALL been broken down and rebuilt from scratch. my relationship, my career, my music, my health, my mental and emotional state, my potential relationship, my goals, everything. the things i wanted that i shouldn't have. the things i had that i shouldn't have. the things i didn't have that i needed. the strength and wisdom that i didn't have that i needed. every single thing that was wrong with my life is gone.
i have to say, that feels pretty good. i'm looking forward to tomorrow.
it's difficult to feel bad about destruction when it's for such a good cause
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[30 Aug 2009|10:16pm] |
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I'm doing Sydney and i'm still alive.
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| cycles |
[26 Aug 2009|05:32pm] |
so, i'm back off coffee again. day 1, headaches already. but, no matter - nothing i haven't done a number of times before, and no doubt something i'll be doing again.
i went food shopping and spent $320 on groceries this week. a bit nuts, but should last for-freakin'-ever and i've been feeling a lot better already to be eating properly. wish i could sleep properly, but hell, story of my life right?
i -will- organise to see a doctor about that next week. no doubt s/he will tell me to eff off if i'm still drinking coffee so will be good to get that sorted too. ironically enough, i've found my coffee intake has not affected my sleeping patterns. go figure.
one the cranks (things the pedals attach to) keeps coming loose and nearly falling off my bike. troublesome! i can feel it start to go so its not a problem but it really interrupts things to have to get off and fix it. i need to take my bike in to the shop for the most epic service ever. it's been over 2 years now since i bought it. time really gets away from you when you're doing stuff.
eating oats. playing music. organising shows (or at least, trying to). it's a hard knock life, for us. doot doot. also - apparently i am invincible? no-one's ever been able to finish a rocket sauce pizza, or at least not anyone i know. i had one at alibi last night and damn was it hot. daaaaaamn. but i got through it. working, fixing stuff. need to take my guitar in for a setup too actually.
still, there's no point crying over every mistake. you just keep on trying 'til you run out of cake. and the science gets done, and you make a neat gun for the people who are still alive. still alive. still alive.
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| things have to end to begin |
[11 Aug 2009|12:17am] |
so i realised i don't actually ever post anything public anymore, because all the trivial fun stuff goes on tumblr and all the motivational stuff goes on timr and all the hacks go on resolvehax and everything else just stays locked. but i thought it might be a good idea to update. you know. for some reason.
so we released that EP two months ago now and the whole up-in-the-airness of dane going overseas has really nailed us. but there are plans afoot. trying to look for shows now that i can play on my own. practising up for million. getting things ready. brisbane is pretty small and most of the people i keep looking at to get shows are people i know through someone or other. but still not really getting anywhere. it's a big change, being out of the punk scene because that was my life. i was the punk alliance guy - everyone knew me. i had easy access to everything anywhere in the country. now that im out of my depth, i struggle to get shows at local venues even. no wonder i started that thing in the first place.
ive been writing again (finally) and while i don't think an nhac album is looking likely for this year, i think early Q2 next year is feasible. million EP slated for november/december so keep a look out. all bands will be playing shows again v soon and i can't wait to be back on stage. it's been over a year since i last played properly and i can feel it in my bones - i'm craving it.
i'm nervous about playing nhac stuff live. i've only ever played to a handful of close people before. laundromats don't really count since no-one's really listening. but i'm excited. looking forward to it.
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| run amok |
[27 Jul 2009|12:34am] |
gorunamok.com just came up for renewal. the band is dead. i knew this day would come and i didn't know what i'd do when it arrived. something can be dead and gone for a long time but it can still surprise you how much it meant when it comes to removing the reminders of it. come the end of october, the domain name will lapse and i won't renew it. just another way of leaving the past behind. sometimes the only way to save yourself is to keep moving forward. so that's what i'll do. keep. moving. forward.
another reminder slips into the past, and the world keeps on spinning. bye, run amok. you meant the world to me at one stage, and i didn't know how i'd be able to go on without you. i guess we all find our ways to keep going.
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[20 Jul 2009|09:07pm] |
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today i picked up my brothers car. he's gone overseas for three months and left me the custodian of a '99 corolla seca. what a mess. i have a project for the next three months.
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[18 Jul 2009|10:13pm] |
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something exciting happened this week. the facebook page for nhac got its first fan that i don't know. that's so validating i don't even know where to start. yay.
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| today |
[16 Jul 2009|04:17pm] |
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it is a strange thing to experience something, and a song pops into your head that's -just- how you feel .. and an instant later you realise, it was your song. and that's why it's so on the mark.
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| migrations |
[15 Jul 2009|05:03pm] |
i made the first migration to the new loss4words content server today. i felt that since my old server was approaching its 8th birthday, and the hard drive was well past MTBF that it was in my best interests to start migrating. the nhac site is running on the new machine now, with the rest of the loss4words network to follow slowly but surely. the rejection line will be the only tricky one as it has to physically interact with the phone that's plugged into the back. but it'll be a good chance to migrate it over to a new way of getting the messages off the phone, so i'll do that last and at the same time. then i'll put a few redundant hard drives in the thing and let it see its days out gracefully as a file server and whatever else i'd planned it to run.
it's been a glorious machine - best $20 i ever agreed to spend then never paid.
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| Tales from the laundromat |
[09 Jul 2009|08:46am] |
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Last night when I turned up to wash and play, two Japanese families were eating at the No Free Sitting cafe. They sat and listened and alternated between conversation and absorbtion. People working in nearby shops came outside to listen, returning only to serve customers, then coming back to join me. Two people stopped to ask for guitar lessons. As the families left, they waved, thanked me and clapped. I smiled and bowed in appreciation.
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[05 Jul 2009|05:06pm] |
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tried to take my contact lenses out while really hungover today. right one popped out and fell on the floor when i blinked and didnt realise. spent another 20 minutes trying to get it out before realising. my eye hurts now.
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| science |
[05 Jul 2009|01:17am] |
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I'M DOING SCIENCE AND I'M STILL ALIVE
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| why |
[01 Jul 2009|01:03pm] |
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why is it that merely deciding that i want to exercise seems to make me get sick?
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